DICKIES!!!

I've finally found something worthy of being called a dicky...

Dear immature asshole men and boys of America,

Please refrain from doing the following things in my direction whilst I am running...

1. Do not make fun of me for having an MP3 player. You would only do this for two reasons. One - you are jealous of my iPod and want it for your own. B - you are ashamed that you're in bad shape and cannot run so you feel the need to heckle me as I do. This is just pathetic. Why would you make fun of someone who has an MP3 player? What is so bad about listening to music? You're obviously insecure in yourself if you feel the need to make fun of someone doing something good for themselves that in no way harms you. Dicky.

2. Do not drive by me on your moped and say something to the effect of "daaaaammmmn giiirrrlll." I don't appreciate that. I know that when I've been running for 18 minutes in the August heat of Maryland I don't look sexy. I'm a sweaty beast, heaving for every last breath I can get. When you steal that air from me because you want to blatantly lie to my face about how hot I look, your life is in danger. Don't do that, it makes me angry. Dicky.

3. Lastly... to the ladies who hollered at me to get my attention as I was running by your little Jeep-mobile. Thank you for attempting to jokingly make out with each other, thinking it'd gross me out. Little did you know... Dickies.

In summation, let me say this: If you have nothing better to do than pick on someone for trying to not be a fat lard ass that eats 15 big macs in one sitting, like over 50% of the population in this country is, you're a pathetic piece of shit. You should think about running yourself, since you probably weigh 50 pounds more than you should, even though you try to squeeze into clothes that are too small for you, thinking people will like you because you look like an overweight slutbag. That's right, I'm hating on fat people. Quit eating fast food 5 times a week and then suing McDonalds, like it's their fault you can't stop shoving food in your fat faces. Maybe if you went running with an MP3 player three times a week and you just ate Subway like Jarod, you wouldn't look like Fat Bastard. Think about it. Until you can run faster than me, farther than me, and are skinnier than me (and that's not going to happen anytime soon), quit heckling, harassing, cat calling, and making out to distract my running.

DICKIES!!!

Love, Me

ps - this letter is not just from me, it is for every runner who is harassed by you tubby bitches...